so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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