Tell her she can't have a vagina
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
