you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
