he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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