You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
