You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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