The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
