My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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