I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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