remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
