It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
