My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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