i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
