Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
As shirtless as possible
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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