the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
