Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
