Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
