Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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