i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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