i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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