i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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