dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Michael Bay diarrhea
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
