i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
