Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
