Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
