youre lurking in front of me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize