But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
