i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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