Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
