you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
