it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
