dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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