Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
