I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
