Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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