We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
