You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
