I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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