if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize