I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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