im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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