My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
