a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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