not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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