At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
