so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
