I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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