FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
