Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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