So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
