A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
