Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
