dude i'm inner monologue high
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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