Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
