My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So many bounce houses so little time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
