I'm drive I can fine osifer
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
