its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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