Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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