Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
