guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
