I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
