I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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