I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize