Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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