when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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