Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
