Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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