So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
