Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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