Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
