It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
