It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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